secret and plan

secret:

today we got a note under the door about a new secret code. we are not to give this code to anyone in the 1250 building: "please do not divulge this new password to anyone in the 1250 building." now i want to give it to everyone in the 1250 building. i probably want to because i'm not supposed to.

plan:

"ian joins ruth and me at the pub though he isn't drinking. a scottish guy in a pub not drinking is weird. i ask him what's wrong with him. he says he can't, when he does he gets smashed then uses all his methadone instead of rationing it like he's supposed to. when he says so he looks kind of spiritual, like a hermit in the desert where there is fake water everywhere but none to drink."

--the meat and spirit plan, s. saterstrom

there's so much to being a hand model

you have to have a portfolio and never cut your nails, only file.

here is something from afterpastures (which has the best cover i've ever seen) about it:

what doesn't fear my hands? the crush of my thumb,
my fingers that make a fence. the deer stand on one
side, watching. among the trees they are hard to see,
their skins smell of leafmould. if they would let me, i
would trace the grain of their pelts, its marks like a secret
language. i would put my hands upon them, and their
eyes would roll white.

--claire hero

100

if you've made it to 100, the state wants to celebrate:

http://www.denverpost.com/ci_12240994

saturday after saturday

today i went to thrift stores with m and bought something gold. i didn't feel very good. on the radio, a man said about his mother, she had a casual relationship with reality. man. in the mail i got more birthday money. i like that i'm old now and i still get birthday money.

here are some quotes from renee gladman. she worked as a sound engineer. i love her:

"but my sister said looking had nothing to do with the sky."

"i knew it was me by the way my head felt."

"every day what i've learned about the world recedes a bit--i can only guess what we were."

"one day i outgrew everything there was to see."

and i got a postcard from indianapolis, but it's a picture from vermont, "of the capital building built in 1859 in vermont's third state house. the gold-leaf dome is adorned by ceres, the roman goddess of agriculture."

after school special

after school, i put on the dress i was wearing when i went to meet m one time, when we didn't know each other, and he said, what are you wearing. when he comes home i hope he says what are you wearing and it will be like the time when we didn't know each other. if he says this, i'll say, why a dress, of course. he might not remember that time, or he might try to forget about it because he told me later how he didn't mean to be mean. now he is home. he didn't say anything. he has a bandanna on. now he says, why are you wearing that kind of thing. i liked it when he said this but i still couldn't answer how i planned so i just said hold on a minute.

third day

today we ate food. i ate an avocado and a tomato and an apple. m ate a pb&j and a meal from a place that has hamburger meals.

today in class, laird said that acker turns an epistemological quest into an ontological evaluation. he also showed us a photograph of a photograph. i liked it when he showed us this. the lady who made the photograph is named sherrie levine. you can take photographs of her photographs of photographs. you can know about her in this place:

http://aftersherrielevine.com/

second day

the second day is here. sometimes i feel like i can't take it anymore and i must, must eat. not eating food makes everything seem like food. i'm not hungry. the foods i have thought about are: avocado, tomatoes, beets, onion, rice, asparagus, and cabbage. m has thought about almonds and peanut m&ms. when we went to the store, we thought about how nice it was outside. we thought about it and told each other, it's so nice outside. and then we came home and went back inside. at the store, i thought about eating grapes. i am reading a book where the woman says, "since nothing matters, every event is every other event." this book is called don quixote, but it's not the one you think.

lemons

today we are only allowing ourselves water with lemons, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup. really i am allowing myself those things and two pieces of fruit. the idea is that something nice will happen.

last night i walked around in the snow for a long time.

today i walked around the block once.

i'm not sure what will happen tomorrow.

from sunday morning

we live in an old chaos of the sun,
or old dependency of day and night,
or island solitude, unsponsored, free,
of that wide water, inescapable.
deer walk upon our mountains, and the quail
whistle about us their spontaneous cries;
sweet berries ripen in the wilderness;
and, in the isolation of the sky,
at evening, casual flocks of pigeons make
ambiguous undulations as they sink,
downward to darkness, on extended wings.

--wallace stevens

something

this is a photo gallery on the continent. these are photographs from oat.

this is a story about a fir tree growing in a man's lung

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Tree-Found-In-Lung-Seed-Sprouted-Inside-Russian-Mans-Chest/Article/200904315262048?lpos=World_News_First_Home_Article_Teaser_Region_7&lid=ARTICLE_15262048_Tree_Found_In_Lung%3A_Seed_Sprouted_Inside_Russian_Mans_Chest_

library books currently checked out:

Mind and religion : psychological and cognitive foundations of religiosity edited by Harvey Whiteh U186014278021 Now due 06-22-09 Renewed 3 times BL53 .M555 2005

Current studies on rituals : perspectives for the psychology of religion / Hans-Günter Heimbrock & HU186007037820 Now due 06-22-09 Renewed 3 times BL53.C877 1990

The God gene : how faith is hardwired into our genes / Dean Hamer. 1 86007516052Now due 06-22-09 Renewed 3 times BL53 .H285 2004

Where God and science meet : how brain and evolutionary studies alter our understanding of religion U186015695250 Now due 06-22-09 Renewed 3 times BL53 .W511 2006 v.3

Magic and religion, their psychological nature, origin, and function. Now due 06-22-09 Renewed 3 times BL53.V4

The ritual process : structure and anti-structure / Victor Turner. U186003566102 DUE 04-16-09 RENEWED Now due 06-22-09 Renewed 3 times GN473.T82 1977

Dramas, fields, and metaphors; symbolic action in human society / Victor Turner.
U186000220529 DUE 04-16-09 RENEWED Now due 06-22-09 Renewed 3 times GN451.T87

The anthropology of performance / Victor Turner ; preface by Richard Schechner.
U186012128173 DUE 04-16-09 RENEWED Now due 06-22-09 Renewed 3 times GN473 .T79 1986

Man in the landscape : a historic view of the esthetics of nature / Paul Shepard ; with a new foreword U186011846150 DUE 04-20-09 RENEWED Now due 06-22-09 BH301.N3 S45 2002

Magic(al) realism / Maggie Ann Bowers. U186014057530 DUE 04-21-09 RENEWED Now due 06-22-09 Renewed 1 time NX456.5.M3 B68 2004

The spirit of carnival : magical realism and the grotesque / David K. Danow.
U186007310773 DUE 04-21-09 RENEWED Now due 06-22-09 Renewed 1 time PN3352.C37 D36 1995

The environmental imagination : Thoreau, nature writing, and the formation of American culture / Law U186007431511 DUE 04-29-09 PS3057.N3 B84 1995

The writings of John Muir.U186000627072 DUE 04-29-09 PS2447 .M5 1916 v.3

The Barnum Museum : stories / by Steven Millhauser.U186008246951 DUE 05-12-09 PS3563.I422 B37 1997

The colossal P.T. Barnum reader : nothing else like it in the universe / Phineas T. Barnum ; edited U186015231307 DUE 05-12-09 GV1811.B3 B37 2005

Living pictures, missing persons : mannequins, museums, and modernity / Mark B. Sandberg. U186011884996 DUE 05-12-09 GV1836 .S36 2003

Waxworks : a cultural obsession / Michelle E. Bloom. U186012587880 DUE 5-12-09 GV1836 .B56 2003

Nightwood. Introduction by T. S. Eliot. U186005190135 DUE 05-12-09 PS3503.A614 N53 1937

The life of Barnum, the world-renowned showman ... written by himself; to which is added The art of U186001019963 DUE 05-12-09 GV1811.B3 A25

The fabulous showman. U186003816418 DUE 05-12-09 GV1811.B3 W3 1959

The ontological turn: studies in the philosophy of Gustav Bergmann / M. S. Gram, E. D. Klemke. U186014544040 DUE 06-09-09 B945.B474 G72

Saussure : signs, system, and arbitrariness / David Holdcroft. U186006445915 DUE 06-09-09 P85.S18 H6 1991

The Cambridge companion to Saussure / edited by Carol Sanders. U186014514029 DUE 06-09-09 P85.S18 C33 2004

Logic and reality. U186014544155 DUE 06-09-09 B945.B473 L6

Meaning and existence. U186003937028 DUE 06-09-09 B824.6.B398 c.2

Las Meninas : a fantasia in two parts / Antonio Buero-Vallejo ; translated by Marion Peter Holt.

how to draw a female body

this is a shortened version of the wikiHow entry:

draw a head, a neck, and shoulders. draw the torso. draw the hips. draw the thighs. draw the lower legs. draw the feet. draw the upper and lower arms. draw the hands as mittens. draw the fingers. draw some curves. carefully erase the hip and torso lines. erase the lines on the head and make the limbs thinner. erase any remaining guidelines.

from a book

"you think you are on a street when really you are on a way. i told mellie i want to trust the street signs as they are now. mellie seemed sad. to console her, i told her i would come and visit her often. she told me to come see her every thursday. thursday was her favorite day in the old days to receive visitors."

rose mellie rose

bones checked into us more often than out

for reality, i put trees everywhere.

i give everyone colanders of birds when i see them. they are regular sizes. the phone rings then. someone is in chinese. he shows me egg cartons full of cloth eggs. i say it must be easter. he says find the eggs. i say they're here. he gives me directions to more eggs. i find more eggs while there is sunlight.

equipped with better people the eggs are like talking to everything else. i try to collect them from the better people. they charge dues, collection fees. inside of each egg is a colander of birds. these must be the people i know from before. they must be everyone, all together, thinking that the eggs are bartering pieces. someone brings in a roulette table full of rabbits. i put all of my eggs on number eleven. once there is this place, i think, there is the place like we left it. with rooms of rabbits.

animals on trips

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PN_oDdGmKyA

spectacle

But certainly for the present age, which prefers the sign to the thing signified, the copy to the original, representation to reality, the appearance to the essence . . . illusion only is sacred, truth profane. Nay, sacredness is held to be enhanced in proportion as truth decreases and illusion increases, so that the highest degree of illusion comes to be the highest degree of sacredness.

feuerbach

calvino, calvino

"there are days when everything i see seems to me charged with meaning: messages it would be difficult for me to communicate to others, define, translate into words, but which for this very reason appear to me decisive. they are announcements and presages that concern me and the world at once: for my part, not only the external events of my existence but also what happens inside, in the depths of me; and for the world, not some particular event but the general way of being all things."

calvino, if on a winter's night a traveler

this is the most important thing:

"The 'sky' of a world refers to the view of the heavens from its surface. This view varies from world to world for many reasons. The most important factor in the appearance of a world's sky is its atmosphere, or the lack thereof. Depending on the atmosphere's density and chemical composition, a world's sky may be any number of colors. Clouds may or may not be present and they may also be noticeably colored. Another factor is the astronomical objects that may appear in a world's sky, such as the Sun, stars, moons, planets, and rings."

bruce and franklin dinosaur roosevelt

the sky is so much more. now. last night i got so afraid to die. i told everyone i didn't know how. i remembered franz wright not knowing how. everyone else said they didn't know how.

something needs to be said about b&fdr. they came because bruce is snuffy's new girlfriend. william doesn't mind. too much. they are growing sesame flowers. here is what comes next:

www.theadventuresofbandfdr.weebly.com

these are our mustaches.

blue mustang

this is denver's blue mustang. the important part is the torso. not the archaic one.

paint for sale in paint

this is a picture of something in denver. it says paint for sale. it costs five dollars.

photograph of snow

here is one photograph of the snow.